Ten years ago my dad (Bill Ticknor) and my mom (Susie Ticknor) took Frank and I on a vacation as a graduation gift from college. On our way to our ultimate location, the Grand Canyon, we took a side trip and did some white water rafting. We never made to the Grand Canyon! Dad drowned on the river... That day is by far with out question or hesitation the worst day of my life! In no way will I ever look at that day with some "silver lining". Not only did we loose my dad but all four of us came face to face with death! The water showed no mercy and I thought several times that I would not live to see the next day. At times I also believed I would be a 21 year old widow.
My entire family grieved! The hole town of Grayson, Kentucky grieved! For years I had flash backs of water or I would have dreams with dad in them. I am beyond the darkest parts of grief now. I can finally hear the words "white water" with out a panic attack. I can finally see kids playing soccer with out tearing up (Dad was a huge soccer advocate in my home town). I am able to live life now! Still yet, with every new phase in life (buying a house, having one son, having another son, buying a car...) I miss my dad.
I honestly believed that very tragic day in May would forever be my story... would always haunt my dreams or be the only thing I thought about. That day is only part of my story! Live keeps moving forward, and so have I! Now I have two beautiful boys with Down syndrome and they need their mom to live in the present. Caleb (our oldest) is Caleb William after his Grandpa that he will never meet on this earth.
In many ways that day has help shape my life. I do not take life for granite. I realize that life is a gift, that my family is a gift! Down syndrome may be a challenge but there is life not death! I did not loose my children to death, they just brought their own uniqueness to my life. There is hope and adventure with every new day! I am not quite as adventurous. I saw how quickly life can be taken from someone. I know how helpless I felt in those waters. It is truly by the grace of God that the three of us did survive! I still love the outdoors and enjoy a great day in God's creation, I'm just not as extreme.
The funny thing is I never can remember the date of his death! Quite honestly, I really don't want to! I know it was after his birthday (May 21) and before Memorial day. Kind of strange how my mind can remember where my husband put things (when he can't) yet I have blocked that date.
I will always love and miss my dad! With everything in me I wish he were hear to know his kids now and meet his grand kids! Life just keeps moving forward and so do I!
