Thank you for all the prayer, everyone! I have to be honest... I have been avoiding the Internet. I was over whelmed by the responses I received about Dad! The prayers, encouragements, and "e-hugs" really touched my heart! I've avoided looking at them because I knew I would cry, and I did. I just had to be ready to let the tears flow. The sincere condolences and words really mean so much!
For those who are just starting to read this blog feel free to read any of my previous postings...
The past few weeks have been busy, in that respect we are no different than everyone else in the world... Caleb (our almost 6 year old) has been home all week after having tonsils removed and more tubes (5th set) put in his ears! This kind of surgery is just second nature for us and life really does not skip a beat. I just get to have more cuddle time and reading time with Caleb each day! I must admit I do get a bet stir crazy and miss being outside or just being more active.
I seem to be reminded daily that having children with special needs really is an incredible blessing. The smiles that Caleb brought to the O.R. were amazing! Every new person that walked in the room he greeted with a BIG bear hug! Even people that didn't "need" to see him came in just to say "hi", like the nurse that called to do pre-admissions. She even came to check on him post operation... just to make sure "her little buddy was OK!"
In so many ways my life as a mom with two children with Down syndrome is just like any other mom. I struggle with all the "normal" mom things like: Am I too strict? Am I strict enough? Were those words too harsh? Will my kids make good choices? Well the other kids like them? What if none of the other kids will play with them? Have I yelled too much and given too few hugs today? Do they know I love them? Do they love me? Why won't they listen? When will he tell me he has to potty? Why does he wait to poop in the public toilet (yuck!)? Did I spend enough time with them today? Am I modeling the person I want them to become? I should say I am sorry for that! I need to be more involved. I need to give them a bit more space. The list is endless...
My boys go through the same "stages" of life as other kids. They just spend a bet more time in those phases! The two-year-old's have lasted about four years for Caleb and now Joshua is entering this fun time of life (do you hear the sarcasm?). Potting training is taking, well... forever for Caleb. But at least I know some day he will get there. Then I will be better equipped to handle that time with Joshua! Speaking of Joshua, he is over two years old and still not walking... Yet, Caleb is runs all the time. Joshua will get there in his time and with lots of physical therapy! Words and talking do not come easy for Caleb yet Joshua seems to have the gift of gab (I don't know where he gets it from... oh yeah, it's me!).
Each day I seem to wake up and ask God for the same things. "God will you help me to show grace to my kids in the same ways you have shown grace to me? I know I am not perfect and I know they are not perfect. And at times that is a really bad combination! Please help me to show them love, mercy and patients! I love them and I know you love them even more." These words are uttered before I open my eyes or put my feet on the floor. There are days I listen to God's leading and I am embarrassed to say there are days I don't.
In many ways we will never be a "normal" family. We are always going to be dealing with specialized needs and issues that many families will not. We are at times that family that make others feel like their situations is really not that bad. Or, seeing our kids will secretly allow another mom to think, "Well at least my kids don't act like that." To be honest I don't have a problem with that. We all need a little perspective in our lives. I know I have had those moments when looking at another family's situation. Yet, more times than not I am dealing with very similar issues as everyone else. Praying at the end of the day that we (Frank and I) help our kids grow into responsible adults! We are all so unique with different situations, yet we are so very much the same - loving our kids and wanting what is best for them!
