Sorry for the delay... Life is moving faster than I am right now... Shortly after the last post we got horrible news that my mother-in's lung cancer has returned... deep breathes... (pausing to pray)...
As a result of this devastating news Frank and I began praying about moving closer to our families in Kentucky. We also asked God to make it abundantly clear because we don't do good with subtle ... well... He did! With in a two week time frame Frank had 2 interviews in Lexington, Kentucky, he signed a contract with one of them, he went with his mom to an oncology appointment, and we put an offer on a house... another deep breath... In the last couple months we have put our house on the market and have made several trips to Kentucky with loads of stuff. Every spare moments the boys are in school is being spent cleaning, painting or packing. And also remain insanely busy gathering information for the mortgage lender, talking with the boys' new school district, working with realtors in Illinois and Kentucky.
Just this week I was painting yet another room in our Mascoutah house. I was trying with all of my limited ability to get it completely done before Caleb and Joshua got home from school. But, standing at the top of the latter with a paint brush in hand I began feeling a bit nostalgic. I thought with mixed emotions, What if these walls could talk?!
Well... the walls could tell some horrible things! Like the fact that Frank and I disagree. There have been some down right ugly and shameful verbal fights. I wish I could say that we did not argue in front of the the boys but that would be a lie. I am pleased to report we have learned to fight a bit more "fair"... by setting some boundaries and owning our emotions rather than taking them out on each other. Or, the walls might tell you that I am not always patient with the boys. I have raised my voice more than I should. I have scolded out of anger/emotion rather than control. And I have said things I wish I could take back. Or, maybe the walls would share that I have struggled with accepting Down syndrome in my life. There have been many of tears shed over medical issues, therapy schedules, educational shortcomings, behavior problems, social embarrassments, sleepless nights... so on... and so forth... I have (and still do) wrestled with sever feelings of inadequacy - not believing that I am the "right" mom for these precious special needs boys... very deep sigh...
Despite all of the dark secrets these walls could tell, there are far more beautiful memories to be told! The walls echo daily with the laughter and chatter of two bothers who love life! The wall vibrate with the sound of boys' feet running laps in our home. There are sounds of great cheer as the boys accomplish new tasks that have taken years to develop. There are hours upon hours of stories being read. There are dance moves that create family supper starts. There are songs sung a bit off key. There are creative modern art (now painted over) on the walls. There are car races, ball games, smiles, hugs, kisses, jokes, adventures, discoveries, performances, songs, family work-outs, laughter...These walls are flooded with LOVE!
Just because God has blessed us with two boys with Down syndrome DOES NOT mean we have a perfect, story book life! I would argue that quite the opposite is true; that through God's divine wisdom He gave a very broken Frank and Betsy two amazing (but far from perfect) boys to teach us how to become whole, forgiving, grateful and loving ... Thank you, Lord, for my family and this home!
