Sack Race

Welcome back!  I hope the summer is finding everyone in sunny spirits and good health!  If this is your first time joining this blog let me welcome you to our family... we (Frank and Betsy Caines) have with two natural sons (Caleb 7 and Joshua 3) who have Down syndrome.  This blog is meant to be an encouragement to those who have children with DS and to be an educational tool for those who are learning about DS.  Feel free to read though earlier posts... Enjoy!

Summer is the time for swimming pools, picnics, family vacations, cook outs, and just good-old-fashion-fun!  This summer we have dabbled in all of the above....

With the boys out of summer school and Frank knee deep studying (he is in a master's program to become a CRNA), things became... shall we say... stressful at our house.  Despite my efforts to swim the boys into total exhaustion, if they knew Daddy was home all was a loss.  So, I pack our bags and the boys and I headed to my home town of Grayson, Kentucky (very beautiful place to visit by the way... wonderful state parks... rolling heals... trees... great hiking...).  Daddy could use the quite house and the boys LOVE seeing the grandparents!

Despite swearing last summer, "I will NEVER do that trip with the boys by myself again!"  Here I was by myself with the boys, DVD players running, van pack, travelling east on Interstate 64 for the long 8-10 hour trip (depending on how many stops we need to make).  The perks for Frank seemed to out way the stress.  We arrived at 1a.m. on Sunday morning.   Because it was the 4th of July weekend, the boys and I went to the church picnic with Grand mommy (my mom).  To be quite honest I was dreading it a bit... I was still  wiped out form travelling and Caleb can have real issues in strange, loud, crowded places... and this would be all of that and more (100+ heat index)!  But my fears were ill-directed.... The boys did rather well...

Grand mommy and I tag teamed it!  She hung out with the boys as I got some good all-American hot dogs.  Then I fed the boys while she got the sides.  We both shoveled food down just in time for the boys to want something to drink.  We gave a few hugs , exchanged a few. "How are you doing?"'s But all the while keep an eagle's eye on the boys... 

As Mom I always have this nagging fear that my boys won't make friends, or that they will be picked on by other kids; yet, I want them to be independent individuals.  This combined with other physical and social quarks we have not tried any organized sports.  We go to the swimming pool, but that is not a team sport nor dose it require the boys to wait turns... But, what is a big picnic without some fun games?!  They called for all sack race runners to come to the starting line... we watched as a small group of kids hopped down the grassy stretch.  Once the kids were done they returned to their parents, but Caleb's gaze never left the burlap sacks.  He casually but very purposefully started walking toward the vacant starting line.  My first reaction was to yell at him to come back over to his seat... but I didn't, instead Grand mommy walked with him.  Without any prompting Caleb pick up a sack, and in his own time and in his own awkward way, got that sack on & started jumping!  I stood in total amazement...

"My Caleb just figured that out!  MY Caleb!  All by himself!"  For kids with Down syndrome nothing comes easy... He has had therapies to teach him to do EVERYTHING!  He still receives Physical, Occupational, Speech, Behavioral, & Music Therapies during the school year.  We have had to literally teach him everything! Caleb watched what the other kids did... wanted to do it... and figured out how to do it himself!  Totally amazing problem-solving-skills!  And to beat all, this is a very age appropriate activity!  Another struggles I have as a parent is seeing other kids mastering activities that Caleb (and Joshua) are unable to do... But Caleb was standing before me jumping his heart out in a potato sack!  "My Caleb is growing up!"

After some time to practice, Caleb got Grand mommy in a burlap sack as well.  By this time the announcement had been made that another sack race was about to start.  Adults and children alike were lining up with sacks on.  Side by side, Caleb and Grand mommy waited for the, "On your mark... Get set.... GO!"  With great effort and extreme concentration Caleb crossed the finish line of his first Sack Race!  Several of the other "racers" cheered him on as he proudly finished the race.  My heart was so full of joy that nearly cried!

I had one of those moments of peace... Caleb is growing up...he will get there...  he will be potty trained... he will dress himself... he will carry on a conversation... he will... he can... he is able!  Like this sack race, growing up is done in Caleb's own way... it takes a bit longer, it's done a bit differently, often it's a bit awkward, and is finished when he finally gets there!  I just have to be patient...

Lord, thank you for creating Caleb and Joshua just they way they are!  Thank you for have patients with me even when I seem to run this race at my own pace and a bit awkwardly... Help me to hear your cheering voice in the crowd! 

The Red Eye Trip

Welcome back! If this is your first time joining this blog, welcome (feel free to read through past posts)! We are a family with two natural sons who have Down syndrome (Caleb 7 and Joshua 3). In this blog I share some of our challenges and joys during our journey.

There are many times that I wonder where I fit... Most of my friends do not have children with Down syndrome... for those that do, they have ONE child with DS! I feel I don't really relate with "regular" moms, and to be quite honest we are the "worst nightmare" for those who do have a child with DS! Do not misunderstand what I am saying... I LOVE my family! I LOVE my boys! But we are just not like other families... to be honest, we are quite difficult to miss! We rarely just blend into the crowd... there are rare occasions that we can...

Every year the Down Syndrome Association of Greater St. Louis (DSAGSL) has a DS awareness walk in Forest Park - Stepping Up for Down Syndrome (formally The Buddy Walk). In years past we have gathered friends & family and put on our walking shoes to join the thousands of walkers. But, this past year has been full of extra challenges (Mamaw Canines and Aunt Mary Lee going through lung cancer treatment, Frank finishing BSN program & starting CRNA program, and a VERY difficult school year for Caleb), so we were just going to skip the event. A couple friends expressed interest in going so we thought, "Why not? Let's go!" Even after our friends needed to back out we loaded the boys up and headed across the river to St. Louis, Mo. Because this is one of those cherished times that we can just be one of the crowd!

Nearly every year we have gone to the DS walk, or any event that the DSAGSL puts on, I cry... sometimes it is the shear number of people supporting DS, sometimes it is being apart of a larger group or purpose than myself, and sometimes is is just the raw love I have for my unique family!

The day was very hot and humid so the sunscreen was applied and the stroller was unloaded so we could join this thrilling crowd! As we were walking through the parking lot Caleb began to "melt down". Crowds and loud noises can set him into a utter tizzy, but this time he was trying to communicate a great need of his... he was hurting! As Frank looked closer he realized Caleb must have gotten sunscreen in his eyes! Caleb's eyes became blood shot and he was rubbing them with extreme purpose... but to no avail because the more Caleb rubbed the more sunscreen got into his eyes. The pain was more than he could handle and he only way Caleb could express his discomfort was to TOTALLY melt down. By this time Caleb's eyes were so red it hurt to even look at him! Only yards away form the van, we just loaded back up and headed to a pharmacy to get some eye drops.

Frank got some extra treats for our hurting boy, but Caleb was in so much pain none of the usual "bribes" worked... not McDonald's... not swimming... not ice cream... not beads... not candy... not Veggie Tales... not Signing Times... not a movie... not the park. He was REALLY in pain! When the eye drops did not offer instant relief we knew it was time to just go home! No need to push it... when we push our luck we always seem to get knocked down!

Poor Caleb screamed all the way home in unbearable pain... once home we held him down again to re administer eye drops. This time Frank kept Caleb in a "bear hug" hold for a few minuets to make sure the drops had a chance to work their magic, and they did!

Our "Red Eye Trip" was just a reminder that sometimes we must accept our limits (or the limits of our children)! This may seem like a duh kind of statement, but it has taken me a while to accept it. I am the type of person who wants to get the most out of everything I do... stay as long as I can... push myself to the limits... but my kids have taught me that I need to know the limits. That more is not always best!

This time it was a physical pain that made us leave. But, Frank and I are learning the art of calling it quits. We have made it our goal to leave "on a good note" to avoid figurative "red eye" trips (complete hysterics). The kids may be having a great time at the park, zoo, pool, friend's house... when we decide to leave. We want to leave before they are so exhausted that they can not see strait and thus lead to an emotional melt down. Kiddos with Down syndrome can fatigue easier then their peers, thus leading to crankiness and emotional fits for my kids.

So, now I have eye drops in the first aid kit. Hoping that because they are in the car I will not need to use them... but nonetheless they are there if we do! I have also invested in some "tear free" sun screen. Even with all of my efforts there is a chance for another "Red Eye Trip" and when it comes I will wrap my arms around my child and tell him that I love him and that I will try to make it all better!  But life sometimes hurts and makes our eyes red...

Lord, help me to show unconditional love to my boys!  Help me be a source of  comfort when they are hurting.  Please, Lord, grant me wisdom in all situations!

Totally Amazing...

Welcome back! If this is your first time joining this blog, welcome! Feel free to browse through past posts. We are a family with two natural sons (Caleb almost 7 & Joshua 3) with Down syndrome (DS) and this blog shares some of our adventures.

I saw something totally amazing the other day! I will not be talking specifically about DS in this post, but because I have children with special needs I want share this amazing event. Let me set the stage for you. First, we live on a VERY busy street. Second, just down the road a block (if even that) there is a workshop for adults with special needs, Silver Creek Mill.

I was sitting in the back yard enjoying the beautiful spring weather when a young man came around the corner (off the busy road onto the side street). He had a back pack on and he had a huge umbrella open because it looked like it could rain. I knew this young man did live on our street, but I thought he might be visiting a friend. At a closer look I knew he probably should not be walking around by himself... I could not tell what his special needs were but I knew there were some... just then a 20-something man came around the corner... I thought, "Oh, good this must be his 'helper'! They must be from Silver Creek and are out enjoying a nice walk!" So I did not move from my chair.

But then a moment later, the umbrella boy came back toward the main drag with no helper... "Oh, no! I need to call someone... who? The cops? Silver Creek?" I went inside and grab the phone and then ran to the window with the lap top... I was still not sure who I should call but I wanted to keep an eye on this young man. I was starting to have some anxiety for him... who is he? Do they know he is wandering the streets by himself? What if that were my child? How should I approach him? What do I say? Would he run into the street if I talk to him? As I was gazing out the window, still with a fuzzy brain about who needed to be called or what to do, I saw it... it only lasted 15 seconds 30 at the most...

The umbrella boy was standing at my neighbor's chain linked fence petting a wild bird! Just standing there... backpack on, umbrella in hand... gently stoking this birds head! Not caring what was going on around him... he lovingly caressed this bird with his bare hands. I thought my eyes were tricking me until the 20-something man came back followed by a van to pick up the umbrella boy... the bird flew off at the on coming commotion.

I stood at the window phone in hand with my mouth gaping open... "Wow that was AMAZING!" I just kept repeating to myself, "That kid was petting a bird, a WILD bird! AMAZING!" I could not believe it! Let's be real, my mom feeds Blue Jays on her back deck, by the end of the summer they will SOMETIMES eat out her hand, sometimes... This kid just walked up to a bird and started petting it! It could have been sick I guess, but it did not flop or struggle to fly off it just flew away, far away, without effort....

Later that day I was still totally amazed! I kept obsessing over what I saw, "What an amazing gift God has given that young man... I don't know what he can't do... but I know I will never be able to do what he just did! Amazing!" I will never know who that boy was, what his "special" issues are, or if he was even suppose to be with those people. What I do know is that God gave me a gift! I was at the right place, at the right time, with my eyes open! Watching umbrella boy did make me think about my boys... what are the amazing things they are doing right in front of me? Am I watching? Do I really see their amazing gifts? There are lists of things that they will never do, but what can they do?

So, please keep your eyes open and look for the AMAZING things around you!

God, thank you for that gift! Please help me to keep my eyes open! I want to see the amazing things you are doing in my life and in the life of my boys!

Angles Among Us

Welcome back! If this is your first time joining this blog, welcome. Please feel free to read through past blogs. We are a family with two biological sons who have Down syndrome (Caleb - almost 7 & Joshua - 3). The purpose of this blog is to encourage those who have loved ones with DS and to educate those who do not. I pray you enjoy!

Too often I go through life without taking time to see the blessings all around me. More times than not my "blessings" are people, not things or money... "angels" if you will! I want to dedicate this blog to just a few of the "angles" in my life.

The first angel I would like to mention is Tina Whitby. She is one of my most cherished friends! Tina and I have been friends for ten years now. She is one of those friends that I want to become! I can talk to her about anything and know that she will love me, yet she will give me her honest opinion. She has been at my side during some of my happiest and darkest moments. It was Tina (9 months pregnant herself) who decorated my house for the homecoming of Caleb. It was Tina who saw fatigue setting in, so she took Caleb when he was a baby for the night. It was Tina who ALWAYS saw Caleb as just a boy, looking past his Down syndrome, even when I could not! Than it was Tina's house that became Caleb's second home when Joshua arrived. The first 18 months of Joshua's life was spent at doctor's appointments, surgeries, and week long hospital stays. Where was Caleb? At Aunt Tina's, of course! Aunt Tina is Caleb's favorite! In fact one time I forgot to send a show-and-tell object to school with Caleb. The teacher said he stood proudly before his classmates and announced, "Aunt Tina!" Followed with some Caleb jargon and then a few more, "Aunt Tina!"'s.

It was Tine who quite literally took the fall for Caleb once. We were at a Christmas bowling party and Caleb took off running down the very slick, greased isle. With out hesitation Tina took off after him, breaking his fall. Caleb was just fine, Aunt Tina on the other hand fell HARD! Tina came up saying, "All I could think about was Caleb's neck! I just could not let him hit his head!" Caleb's neck has some laxity that makes him more susceptible to serious spinal injuries. With out regret, Tina spent almost 6 months recovering from protecting Caleb! (Frank and I felt horrible for her!) Tina and her family are not just great friends, they are family! To call Tina a "friend" is not a strong enough term, a sister is a bit closer, but I prefer ANGEL. Tina is truly a God send in my life! (I love you Tina and am blessed because of you!)

Because Caleb and Joshua require a bit more attention than other kids their ages (both still in diapers, speech delays, no two way conversation... just to name a few things), we can't leave them with just any one. We need to know that whoever watches them is physically and mentally able to accept the challenge. Date nights are few and far between, to say the least... God has sent a "family of angels" into our life to offer a little reprieve.

Barb and Jeff Hannah have become the boys' "Illinois Grandparents"! The first time Barb suggested bring the boys to their house so Frank and I could go on a date we smiled and said, "Awe, that is so nice. Thanks, we may have to do that!" But not really sure how serious they were, we just let it drop. Barb called me a few times before we put it on the calendar. To be quite honest, she had to almost pursue me to watch the boys. We did not want to burden them. We saw our boys as a challenge, so we expected everyone to see them that way (shame on us). The Hannah's truly saw our boys as a blessing! That touched my soul to the deepest part of my being! Having the boys over became a family ordeal, their daughters (Jody & Jackie) would come home from college for the night just to spend time with Caleb and Joshua! Jody even bought Caleb a touch and feel book and Joshua a Build-A-Bear just because she thought they would like them. She was right! We know that the boys are having a great time and are in a safe place when they are with the Hannah's! We now feel like we can call and ask if the boys can come over, rather than make them hunt us down. By loving our boys they have loved us! (Thank you Hannah's! We all love you!)

Finally, I can not mention "angels" with out talking about my own Mom! After having children of my own my relationship with my Mom has gone from Mother-Daughter to Mother-Mother relationship. She has dropped everything to be with after the birth of both boys. A few times she has spent a week at time with Caleb while Joshua was in the hospital. My step-dad (Steve), though being newly weds and not having children of his own, did not hesitate to let her leave. She has accommodated for their needs when we visit and allowed them to just be boys! Mom is an incredible Grandma!

To be honest I never truly understood the love of a mother until I became one! This journey of being a mother of special needs kids has been an emotional challenge for me, but I did not understand that it could be an emotional challenge for my Mom as well... I called her one afternoon when Caleb was still a toddler, I was so burdened by the path before me I could not see straight. I was just venting, crying, & morning to my Mom when she began to cry as well, "Betsy, I just wish I could take this pain away for you! I wish I could make it all better!" I froze... My mom was saying the exact words that I had uttered to Caleb so many times, only she was saying them to ME! It was a revelation: my Mom loves me as much as I love Caleb! She wants to take away MY pain! She wants ME to have the best life possible! She feels for ME the way I feel for MY boys! Now when my Mom tells me that she loves me or that she is proud of me, I hear it differently... Because I know what it like to see my children face challenges and over come them! Mom is a God-send, an Angel! (I love you, mom!)

Take some time to look at your own life... because there truly are ANGELS AMONG US!

Good Grief!

We are a family with two biological sons (Caleb-almost 7 & Joshua-3)who have Down syndrome! If this is your first time joining us, welcome! Please feel free to read through past blogs. This blog shares some of the unique challenges that our family faces! Feel free to send an email if you would like to contact me: mom2tri21boys@gmail.com

One unique challenge that I faced is grief! Many people grieve for many different reasons... the fact is I have grieved for many different reasons (death of a parent, disappointment, friends moving, miscarriage, change in life plans). But the birth of a child is not normally associated with grief! Yet that is exactly where I found myself almost seven years ago...

Frank (my wonderful husband)and I were finally ready to make the two-some a family of three. When we received the news that Caleb had Down syndrome our world shattered! I felt like my-dream-Caleb had died! He was not at all what I expect... or what I wanted for that matter... I wanted a boy that would grow up to be an athlete, a doctor, a teacher, an actor, a fireman, a police man, a businessman, a husband, a dad... I did not expect... well... I did not want... let me be really honest, I did not want Down syndrome!

The grieving began... Like with the death of my Dad I found myself extremely "weepy". Just thinking about Down syndrome would make me cry. I would cuddle Caleb and just start sobbing, not just a few tears but gut wrenching sobs! I even tried making deals with God, "If you will just fix Caleb I will..." or "Some how God make me the one with a disability not Caleb!" But God's answer was, "This, my child, is the path I have chosen for you. Let me lead you!"

Grief does not stay at home it goes wherever you go, like to Target. Caleb was only a few weeks old and we were in the baby section at Target... I saw two other moms talking and laughing as they picked through the cute clothes. Their toddlers were sitting so nicely while the moms enjoyed shopping. My mind was so clouded with grief that I became angry with these two strangers! I was silently yelling at them, "How dare you be so happy when I am so unhappy?! How can anyone be happy?! I hate you for being so happy!!!!" No words escaped my mouth, I just stood frozen on the verge of tears, so I grabbed Caleb and we left...

Or there was the time at church. Caleb was a bet older, a year or so. During the service a video was played: a mother had to bring her special needs adult daughter on an airplane. Across the isle a man complained to the stewardess that he wanted this young lady moved because she was bothering him and his family. The stewardess was faced with the challenge of telling this mom that her and her daughter needed to be relocated. Finally while mom was being shown alternative seating options, a man sat next to the daughter. He listened to her and comforted her while she cried about her grandfather's death. Finally the young lady fell asleep... As the video continued with the uncomfortable plot I became anxious... I felt like I would explode! So I darted to the bathroom before my emotion became uncontrollable. I hardly reached the door of the lady's room when a fountain of burning tears gushed forth. But without warning the door opened and an older woman took me in her arms and just hugged me. "Will people really treat him that way? Are people really going to look at him like? Are people really that cruel?" Through her tears this stranger gently said, "Yes they will..." We stood in the bathroom crying for what seemed like hours... I finally learned that Sandy has a grown daughter with special needs. Years latter she told me that she saw a reflection of herself (25 years ago) in my eyes that day... she saw the same fear, anger, and confusion that she knew all too well! Sandy has become on of God's angel's in my life!

Honestly I spent almost a solid two years grieving the loss of my "dream child". Slowly I began accepting my new life, and I started to see joy and happiness again! My eyes were opened and I saw Caleb as a blessing, not a mistake. I started to dream "special dreams" for my "special Caleb"! Believe me when I say that grief hurts more than any physically pain on earth... the pain reaches into the depths of the soul! But after grabbing a hold of God's hand and just allowing Him to drag me through the trenches of sorrow and anger... grief was freeing! Grief was good!

Caleb was almost four when Joshua was born. Shock of all shocks Joshua was born with Down syndrome as well! But this time it was just really, really weird... odd... strange... unusual... quite simply unheard of! But not all that life shattering. Oh, other people were kind of funny to listen to when we told them that Joshua also had DS. They did not know what to say, so they said some really crazy stuff! But, my most cherished response came from my good friend Abby. Just months before I met Abby, they lost their two year old son Austin. With many health complications added to Down syndrome his little body just gave out. Upon meeting, Abby and I quickly became friends and shortly after that Joshua was born. When Abby heard the "shocking news" that Joshua had Down syndrome, she yelled out, "I am so jealous! I am so jealous! I am so excited for you!"

Oh, there are still times I am moved to tears... but let's be real, that is just being a Mom! There will always be times that I will wish (grieve if you will) that Caleb & Joshua are more like their "typically developing" peers! But I can also assure you that there will be many times I am glad they are not!

"Thank you, God for my boys...just they way they are!"

Kids Say Some Funny Things!

If this is your first time visiting my blog, welcome! Feel free to read through past blogs. I am sharing the adventures of raising our two biological sons with Down syndrome. Caleb is 6 ½ and Joshua is 3. I hope you enjoy!

It has been quite a while since I have had the chance to blog, sorry… I want to share some really funny things that other kids have said. I hope you get a good hardy, belly laugh at some of these great words!

A good friend Kyle (age 8 or 9 at the time) told his mom and dad that he meet a new “friend” at school. He said that this friend reminded him of Caleb. Kyle’s parents ask “How so?” After pondering this question for a while he carefully answered, “Well… he’s a man of few words!” They laughed and asked a few more questions than realized this new friend had Down syndrome! Kyle continued to play with and “look out for” his friend even when it was not popular with his other friends! We are blessed to have friends like Kyle!

Jared (age 6 at the time) and his family came to Joshua’s first birthday party. He watched as Frank changed Joshua’s diaper. Jared stood in complete and utter amazement then simply stated yet almost questioned, “Joshua has his privates?!” Not quite sure where Jared was going with this statement Frank remained silent as Jared continued, “Jordane (his sister) is FIVE YEARS OLD and she STILL doesn’t have her privates yet!!!” It was as if Jared had been waiting silently all of his life for Jordane to “get her privates.” Frank controlled his laughter until Jared left the room….To say the least Jared’s parents had a little talk with him a few days later!

Another friend, Trevor (age 11 at the time), got off the school bus one day very upset. There was kid on the school bus who was not being very nice and was taking other people’s stuff. This upset Trevor to no end! Trevor’s mom started coaching him about how to deal with bullies. But after thinking about the situation his mom realized that the boy may have some special needs… she was correct in her assessment of this young man. So her coaching changed to how to be sensitive, nice and understanding of those with special issues. After a great talk with his mom Trevor sighed, “I just wish all people with special needs looked like Caleb (and Joshua) so I would KNOW that they have special needs!”

We are truly blessed to have friends at embrace our kids! These parents don’t just want their children to be the “nice kids”, they want their children to grow up to be awesome adults… and they will be! My plea to all parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends don’t be afraid to talk about Down syndrome or other special needs with your kids. Let them have friends that are different than them. Ask questions… and answer their questions. And yes, your kids will say some funny things too... and that's okay!

Highs & Lows

If you are joining this blog for the first time, welcome! Please feel free to read through past blogs. I have two natural children with Down syndrome and this blog offers a reflection of our life.

Today was a day of emotional "highs" and "lows".

This morning I went over to St. Louis University and spoke to first year medical students about being a mother with two children who have Down syndrome. What an honor! This was my third year being a "guest" speaker. I was able to just update my talk and add a few pictures to the slide show. Sounds so simple, but I still get "butterflies" every time I talk. Joshua (the 2 1/2 year old) was my stage buddy and he did fabulous!

The students were very attentive and asked some really great questions! In many ways I feel like this is one way I can advocate for all people with Down syndrome. I am always humbled and blessed by this kind of opportunity! As I drove home I was mumbling a silent little prayer, "Lord, this is what I was created to do! Thank you for opening this door! My boys are such a gift and I know you, Lord, are the one who gave them to me! Thank you! Send me, Lord, wherever you want me to go!"

With every "high" there is a low... Shortly after getting home from St. Louis University I received a phone call from school. Caleb's teacher called to inform me that he had punched his aid in the face. That Caleb is having "increasingly aggressive" behavior and that it has become a "real problem"... I just wanted to cry (oh, wait I did as soon as I got off the phone). I know Caleb is a VERY strong willed child, but I had no suggestions...

The teacher and I brainstormed some things. So, the next step will be to do a Functional Behavior Assessment so that a Behavior Plan can be implemented into his IEP (Individual Education Plan). For some time I have been thinking Caleb needs to see a Neurologist for sensory issues and "autistic" traits. We already have an appointment, but it is not until March. So, I called the Pediatrician's office it see if they could expedite the proses for us. The nurse (our favorite nurse) said she would call a few offices for us to see what she can do. I love our Pediatrician and her staff!

So today I have felt the "high" of being an advocate. By speaking up and sharing our story, I really felt like I was making a difference! Yet that "high" was short lived... the reality of life met me at the back door... There is always an issue... there will always be something that needs to be dealt with... Now my prayer is sounding something like this, "Lord, please just give me strength. Help me balance life in a way that I am serving you and my family. Help me, Lord, to be faithful no matter the issue... I just want to effectively help Caleb so that he can function appropriately... Lord, no matter the challenge I know you are in charge and you love us! Thank you! One more thing, Lord... I know I said to send me any where, but I really did not want to go to the Principal's office.. but if that is where you are sending me than I will go..."

It seems life is just one issue followed by another with very brief moments of sanity and peace!