I am going to try to blog more thanks to the encouragement of a friend! I have been really struggling with what to blog... My life seems so hectic and so boring all at the same time. So, I would love to get your suggestions. What do you want to know about my family or raising two children with Down syndrome? Mom2tri21boys@gmail.com
Today I am going to talk about friends! Caleb's friends. Joshua's friends. My friends. I wish I could thank all of you by name and give you all a big hug, however I want to respect the privacy of other so I will not mention names... but you know who you are!
I have always worried that my boys would have no friends. Or worse, that they would get picked on. Every mother to some degree struggles with this. I want my boys to be accepted by others just the way they are and to accept others just the way they are. This fear is quickly disappearing.
I received an email the other day from a friend. She told me how her son got a "good job" token for helping Caleb find his ball on the play ground at school. This sounds small but Caleb can be hard person to befriend. He does not always share, he can be very moody, and at times just wants to be left alone. Caleb has more friends though, there are the twins in his class that love him! On one "supper fun" (please hear the sarcasm) trip to McDonald's the twins meat us there. While all of the boys were trying to climb the play equipment one little girl started to pick on Caleb. Huge night mare for a mother! The twins became my hero that day. They stood by Caleb and "protected" him from this She-Bully. One of the twins began screaming at the top of his lungs, "Stop doing that! Stop! That's my friend!!!!" I believe both me and the twins' mom had tears of joy and pride in our eyes! Unfortunately this little conflict ended with me climbing to the top of the jungle gym and asking (telling) the little girl to be nice.
There are our "best" friends! The friends that are more like family. Their four kids have known both boys since birth. Caleb and Joshua know what is expected of them at their house and are very comfortable there. Caleb tries to push the limits but knows he won't get away with it. These are the friends who are there in the good times, not so good times and down right scary times! They lift us up when we need to be reminded that we are loved. They laugh with us when laughing is a healthier choice than crying. They are also there when crying is the only option. Not many people have this kind of friend. We do! Trust me, we know they are a gift from God! We don't even introduce them as our "best friends" any more, they are Aunt and Uncle and cousins. Their kids have just started to ask questions about Down syndrome, because they never really noticed that there was anything "different" before. These kids are amazing little people! The whole family advocate for Caleb and Joshua. The mom gets stopped all the times by newer families asking about the boys. She has encouraged may frustrated parents when she recognized their child has Down syndrome. The kids are always including Caleb and Joshua in the games they are playing with their friends. Or letting their friends know it is okay to play with our boys (teaching their peers how to accept others). We love this family!
We also have an "extended" family through our church, Cornerstone Christian Church. So many people that just flat out love us. Like the couple who have become the "Illinois Grandparents". They will call and say, "We miss those boys. When do we get to watch them again? Time for you kids to go out." Thank you! Or one of my Bible study ladies who is like an aunt to Frank and I. She always stops us kisses the boys and then asks how Frank's studies and work are going. She has been one of many prayer warriors for our family! There are so many friends that call all the time or just when they can. These friends lift my spirits every time I talk to them! Friends that call to say they care or to check on the boys or to make sure I am taking care of myself.
Than you to all of our friend! There are many times we could not do this with out you!
Get your tissues and just listen http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=84FHZhB5__Y !
Betsy I love reading your blog! You are such a great writer! Also I often worry about Alexander not having any friends. I know right now he smiles and waves at everyone, but will people always be nice to him? Will it be different when he starts school and he's not the baby at the sitter's house? So many things to ponder as our kids grow?
ReplyDeleteHey Betsy! Great entry. I have a little boy with a seizure disorder and developmental delay. He is 5 and still doesn't talk well enough for anyone except family and those who know him very well to understand him. I worried when he went to preschool that kids would be mean to him and that he wouldn't be able to tell me about it. He has a personal aide and I think that helps, but someday it will hurt him. He will be the kid with the teacher who is with him all the time. I know God gave us Jack because he needed a good place to grow and live. I know that God will put people in Jack's life to make it the best possible for him. Faith. That is how we live from day to day with kids with special needs. Faith, friends and a heck of a lot of patience.
ReplyDeleteGood luck with the blog!
Karen (Nugent) Brammell
Brewster's - I can't wait to see Alexander again! Hang in there... We do have so much to ponder and think about! I have found that kids are "nice" most of the time to Caleb & Joshua. The beautiy in all of this is Caleb realy does not care about what others think. I have watched from a close distance how Caleb enter acts with other kids. Some times the others are shy of him, some times they avoid him, some times they instantly envite him to play, some times they ask questions, and some times they stare. I find that if I expcet kids to act like kids than my feeling don't get as hurt. I am alway thank kids for asking Caleb to play (especially when Caleb just egnores them). Kids are amazing! Most of the time if we as parents just help other kids understand our children they are very willing to accept our kiddos.
ReplyDeleteKaren Brammell - God is good! I have learned so much from my boys! They are something... Caleb has a personal aid as well. At this point he is not bothered by having anther "teacher" with him all the time. But, I do understand that by having a personal aid this is one more thing that will make him "diffrent" from his peers. I hope (and it will become a reality if I continue to be his advocate) that as Caleb is able to be more independant the less his aid will have to "hoover" around him. I pray one day the aid is there only for educational issues rather than basic need (as she is now). For Caleb this will be a few years down the road. Keep the faith!
Betsy Caines